Journey of Repair - Masculinity & Femininity and Step towards Healium's Manifestation 4/14/2005
My journey started out in the Lower World for Shadow work. I entered an earthen tunnel and then sped to the surface of this dimension. As soon a I emerged; the Goddess Kali (Fears) was there and she showed me how deformed I was from not loving myself. She attacked me and slashed at me and hit me a few times. (Remind you this is a dimension where I am not physically injured). She said, "This is not you! Now fill yourself with Light and you will be made Whole."
I filled with Light but she was impatient and wanted me to do a better job. I did it again because she burned me to pieces many times even when I surfaced and then appeared deformed again and she did it again. Then I was in my sacred body and in childlike pose hugging myself and formed. Kali said, "Put on your Hat of Courage!" It was a Viking helmet like in another journey to discover Courage and I was a wearing a fishnet dress that was transparent. Then the Goddess said, "See your son! See what you did today in the car!" Why? I said, "Because I want him to have more masculinity." She said, "Can you measure Masculinity? Can you measure Femininity?" She went on to say, "You are not perfect and neither is he."
She had me go back to when he was a little boy and how I didn't treat him as well at times. He was a gentle goy and I was raised by a military family where men had some form of false "Masculinity" imposed and imprinted in my mind. Then she had a mirror for me to look into like the Golden upright Cinderella type mirror. I looked at this ornate mirror and saw my past suffered from my Mother's ill thoughts and beliefs and my grandparents (Ancestors) influences of what a Masculine and Feminine role was like and allowed these beliefs of limitation to impose on me. She was angry with me and did not treat me well as the medicine of understanding by example and the emotion my son felt placed within me.
Then the Goddess of Beliefs - Minerva with esoteric purple sparkling cosmic veil came towards me to advice me: "Know what your true beliefs are." Then an angelic female in light blue cloak said, "Forgiveness" Then Aphrodite Goddess of Love said, "Love yourself." Then Goddess of Compassion - Kuan Yin said, "To have Compassion." It was a tearful assembly of Goddess Mothers teaching me how to be better mother, woman, soul walking this Earth.
Kali instructed me to shatter the false belief mirrors of not feeling loved or having purpose. Minerva (Beliefs) had her veil on me as I approached my son who was waiting for this and asked me to not treat him like a baby (he was middle school/teenage age in real time)." then I tell him my son: "Do not to act like one." Then he says, "I forgive you , Mom, as I knelt at his feet!" He kissed me on the forehead. It was loving but I was in a courtroom now where I was told not to judge from the Goddess Kali and that there was a golden cup of poison (I could no longer speak until I understood the lesson) she gave me as I died; (symbol of old beliefs letting go) then the advise came from the Goddess. As I spoke to my son; the golden cup attached like a horn to my sacred body. I was told: "Be soft and not so harsh and try gentleness so as I softened with compassion; the cup dissolved into a flower and then my lips could speak to him softer.
My daughter appeared in white robe with wings and she told me that her sickness wouldn't last too long and was leaving. I said, "Wait! How long will your illness last?" She said 5 years like Archangel Michael told me. She had an illness of being paralyzed and few minutes in her limbs and inability to speak for short periods off and on. Both of my children told me what their boundaries where and goals to do in earthly time. I began to recall my Reiki Master - Vedam confirmed this challenge as I really knew that the challenge would be my Husband's soul progression and lesson in purchasing a property in the Rosa Parks district to teach landowners to follow truth (Goddess Maat) and adhere to just laws instead of claiming eminent domain. We all knew about this before we incarnated on a soul level. Then my kids stood close together *in their sacred bodies) and said that they were in for the 5 year test and hard trials by saying: "Yes in agreement for their and alls soul expansion. Then I was told to go back to my true belief mirror and return back to my Earthly body.
Namaste and thank Spirit and my Spiritual Mothers for their instruction, love and advise about my lesson of repair. If not for the 5 years; fighting for property rights for us and others and selling it; we wouldn't have come to have Healium as our own healing was needed and Healium healed us when we helped other people as we learned many lessons and continue to help be inspired and inspire others in their strength and capability through Compassion. These old journeys prepare me for the stepping stones to individual mediations and storytelling at Healium Center during our paint and jam nights. I dissect but utilize the emphasis of the lesson.