Advise for those in a MultiCultural, Multiracial & MultiSpiritual Relationship - How We Can Make It Work

I have been married and in a relationship with a multiracial, multireligious and different county origins and upbringing with my beloved husband for 45 years. We are married 43 and sometimes we had blessings and for real challenges. We had the intent to understand each other and have hard conversations. This would happen throughout our relationship and continues when we age and need to update each other on changed priorities and changes in our bodies, our minds, our goals and lifestyle. Harmony is the key and respecting where we are coming from.

I had a conversation with a good man who is in a mixed relationship. My advice I hope is helpful to share with you if you have this predicament or parts of this occurring in your life. Breathe, everything is temporary and seek harmony, listen to each other and understand to keep the love alive and burning forever until we leave this earth or part ways. It is truly a lesson to understand if we really want to make it work; we will find a way and if we are truly in love we must try.

I had a dream of someone I knew recently and someone he knew and was mentoring in the dream much later but first; I was in a school observation of an event with minorities more like Hispanic and Asian and they had workshops using the school classrooms, I had been speaking on the improvements of the event for flow and clarity. They had food

and there was some fresh bread and my acquaintance  was there eating it. He was observing but there was a dark haired young girl there afraid of him thinking he would hurt her and she was accompanied by an older woman who seemed related or friends. I asked her to ask the hard questions in reflection to herself why she assumed and judged him to be a threat to her. Sometimes, family or how your mother/father/parent or guardian/elder raised you makes you respond a certain way in relationships and in relationship to yourself. Dating a foreign woman/man you must consider her/his culture and family background and expectations of her family as a woman/man, a daughter/son, a wife/husband, etc. Then the communication brings more clarity to you why your partner seems like she/he is protecting herself/himself  and for what because she/he was trained or raised to do so and you yourself were trained and raised and must ask yourself the hard questions why you believe strongly a role you are and is it

ingrained and why? There has to be the ability to communicate this openly to reach

why you think and say things this way to each other and then

come to terms is it going to be a real way of relating to each other and coming up with mutual solutions and expectations but these are hard to break when you cling to things that really don't equate harmony and understanding.

We are being awakened with the discomfort of preserved behaviors or ways of living and coping in an ever changing world. He was looking at me as I told the young girl that he is a good person, handsome, calm, intelligent and that you were not intending to hurt her and complimented him in which he was  very pleasantly surprised. Then I left because the work happens really when you give people the space and take the time to do it mutually. Like life. Bread is sustenance. I don't know if this helps at all. You must clear what you are asking & wanting in a relationship from each other. As for me, I created boundaries and not unlimited giving anymore andI am comfortable taking the time to nurture myself. My husband pushes himself beyond and told him you need to slow down and take time for yourself. Since then we both grew and learned to be an improved couple and selves. I am happy he took your books and poetry, his jokes and goes ahead and shares these on his own time. I have seen so much created from him that I don't want to have to stand there and listen to him since we dated to do what he loves. I like my time, I don't need to save anyone, 1 am taking care of myself and making myself at peace with what I do. So Jim does what he does and enjoys it. Sometimes she/he wishes for the old but we frankly can’t turn back.

I am in a multiracial and multi belief system marriage so I know how it can be hard but best to iron out things early. I had come from a strong Filipino Catholic background and a Native American and Jim from an East African Indian background. He was Muslim and the dynamics is also if you are the oldest and youngest in the family and in the middle. The oldest has pressure and responsibility above all and the youngest is less likely to be listened to plus the dynamics can be if you are the youngest and year apart from your older siblings that can be a barrier to unity,

Jim was about truth and getting all out and his siblings came from another school of thought. I am the middle and only girl but my sister died young so too overprotective and my older brother was pressured and my younger was less listened to. My Younger like Jim overcame and learned they had to do everything themselves because no one was there so they work harder, give harder and love harder and more determined because of the lack of support. Jim's Dad died at age of 14 so the older siblings were still in the 20s unable to really commit as

They were trying to start life again. So there are lots of factors

that create these expectations and behaviors and carry them forward to their children. You learn to just be real and the work is more important...Tell her/him…when there is a dilemma or friction that “Our harmony is so important and we should learn about each other and what is important really for ourselves and respect that and also we can work things out to gain

our own harmony between each other. 

Jim's matriarch Grandma was a badass who took over when his mother couldn't and when his father died. She raised the other siblings too and she taught them to speak up and no monkey business. Jim's father was very creative of all: brothers and all depended on him in business yet he wasn't affectionate yet kind and a perfectionist because he was pressured culturally. Never satisfied with whatever he did for himself and hard to praise accomplishments...Jim's Mother was very passive aggressive but also out spoken no filter but she shrank when husband died and let everyone lead her life. So there are different dynamics like what our life was. I blended religious things with our kids and cultures in foods and traditions and my kids this. Both Jim and I wanted to take them to travel so they can talk to anyone and appreciate culture in food music,

Art and priorities.

Another factor to consider is where your partner was born and if there were political agendas affecting their way of protecting their identity like my husband's family they guard their culture and ways strongly! Sometimes we have to realize it doesn't apply in this situation or place. Preserving and protecting their identity is what they feel. 

However, we cannot be in a box of  our own liking the we place our partner in is unfair  if we are a couple...we have to be ourselves and flawed and yes laugh at flaws and how we came to these ideas drilled into us for preservation of culture or identity that over time really don't identify us especially in a mixed relationship...You gotta be re open both of you to understand and if you love each other so much to overcome and just be happy together in a way you create for yourselves. Especially via trauma of wars or drastic change of government and ostracizing our culture has to be considered. Trauma is another factor why we behave a certain way trying to protect ourselves when the situation and person is nothing like what the past that mistakenly get triggered to be the same and block the harmony and unified partnership we so desire to go beyond the limitations and suffering affected by the past that  was & stay in the present in the Now onwards with each other and try to breathe and be present. You will work things out without losing yourself to another and resolve to a mutual understanding and quality relationship with repeated effort, patience, and effort with the heart. Many happy resolutions and celebrations will occur to keep this up and be dedicated to your joint efforts for a healthy and happy union of the minds, hearts, bodies and spirit. Much loving light hugs in all you achieve without measure.