Lessons with Elders

Sometimes our elders are walking around like the Truman Show Movie. What I mean is that the elders were taught not to show emotions or unpleasantries or complain. Like looking at an ad for "Betty Crocker"...then this passes down to ancestral programming even the trauma does for unsaid and unhealed moments that carry through to the present. Like the 1950s folks; you can't change them...sure the newer generation wants them to be more 'real' but their real is not yours. It's like they are much older and hard to change that thinking so instead of being frustrated with them and downing them, telling them to upgrade themselves and do this or that...sometimes they can't change; it's something you have to change when triggered and heal yourself. No blaming; just recognizing them with loving eyes...we are all human. It's my therapy to tell someone frustrated with their elders too old to change to change your approach and concern and allow them to be...let them. Let them be who they are and move on...In the Truman Show; there's a scene where Jim Carey is trying to talk to his 'wife' of his awareness of the 'setup'...we are the ones who set up these systems haha. Then she stops and smiles and holds a coffee can to advertise and he asks: Why are you holding the coffee can, why are you smiling? This is the thing you say and laugh in your head: The picture of the woman in 50s garb holding a coffee can like an advertisement and then smiling...Has she she thought to herself: Why is she holding the coffee can in such a vulnerable moment she is taught not to reveal or look at. Has she thought why in the heck am I smiling and why am I inside a place without windows to literally see the outside of this. This will help you be patient, forgiving and laugh to yourself and move on. Cut conversation gently short and say when you are triggered: "Oh I have an unscheduled meeting or appointment to go to." (Actually you made the choice of your own boundaries and to remedy the elongated stress of this with the elder you can't change and manage your own emotions, boundaries and stress level.) Cutting is short without being rude. Concentrate on things in their old age that give them joy and stick with that...they want to stay in that scene and let them. You have your own life and you can deal with them in a pleasant and short way without getting frustrated, angry and you will be surprised how much you manage the stress of trying to make someone 'real' when they are too old to change or understand. Let them be happy and let them focus on good things and you yourself as well about your elders. That's all I got to say....Picture that woman holding the coffee and then smiling...then you can pleasantly move forward in your relationship and find a common joy to share with each other with the time left. Much love.