Relationships as We Age by Blue Thunder

When we were younger; my beloveds and lovers or hearts and passionate connections; we thought vigor and speed and frequency were the key to intimacy, to sexual desire and fulfilling our natural and organic needs was the way of intimacy or sexual gratification. As we age; we find our changing bodies, our minds, our hormones and our different stages of life whether in a relationship or with a family do have to change. We couldn’t do it all and find some things like sex and intimacy were sacrificed to fulfill our roles for others especially raising children. There’s no real handbook on raising children but in these days and times there have been many good and bad books written at the age and time it applied. Sometimes, the book we thought was good may not be a good resource to someone from another culture, religion or country. It doesn’t take into the consideration of variations and other thoughts of the heart, intimacy, gender, roles and outer influences of these into consideration. We find we become separated again by any subject matter we choose and one method or thought introduces possibilities of other altered or ways of how to approach intimacy, family and relationships.

As we age; our hormones may increase which is the time of vigor and fire. This is the fiery time of life and actively seeks methods of sexual connection that back this theory up as being what fulfils our sexual needs. We then explore within that realm and then after a few years; when our bodies change; we feel a ‘boredom’ and a need to make it spicy or different and keep exploring. Sometimes, it may be a setting, candles, aromatherapy, music, other sexual toys, costumes and sexy underwear and accessories. We do all the things and role play and it is fulfilling.  What happens is the truth; we do age and our bodies change. Women battle hormonal changes and men go through losing or gaining too much hair in places they never thought they would have. 

We reach a time where we are constantly removing hair, tinting and dyeing hair, waxing and finding anti-aging lotions and creams and other sexual toys and lotions or oils. We continue this but in the end we have to address ourselves by asking what really pleases me and what pleases my partner? What do I like and what does my partner like? What would each like to try that we haven’t at least once? If possible; we mutually agree to try it out. At times; we have things we just don’t want to try and can’t bring ourselves to do it. This is the time of creativity; can we alter the activity by breaking it down and take steps as if and then what our boundary is verbalized and plan out and then try out to see if this is a happy medium.

There are those who explore other partners with consent of the other and have ground rules and hopefully they can agree and stick to them before taking the action. We must remember; that when we add alcohol or substance; our bodies may be unpredictable and may explore that and how we respond in a non sexual way to see if it is a movement forward in our intimacy or not. Don’t try something under the influence that is new that alters your sexual drive or intimacy in a negative nature expecting it to be mutually feeling that same way at the time. Experiment after reading and researching without sexual pressure when your body doesn’t respond unfortunately in the mode so there is no let down or disappointment. In other words; be real about the body and how new and let the experience be without expectation towards sexual enhancement and sexual fulfillment. We must be kind to ourselves and if it works out in favor of intimacy and safety and boundaries; then go for it.

There are those who try to please people from trauma not from their partner; but the past. It is best to get help in the trauma so we can have a better intimacy with our sexual selves and then we can part take with another. We have to be honest at the first to let our partner know to decide to stay or take it slow or be understanding or is this a serious or non serious expectation from our partner to decide to wait until you are fully in the present instead of being influenced by trauma to enjoy each other intimately and fully in the now. A people pleaser may not even realize they are not whole in the relationship and keep doing things according to the other partner’s suggestion but they don’t catch each other and honestly address where they are at in the relationship to decide what to ask of each other needs to be there in a relationship. If we carry on pleasing people and the other partner doesn’t catch this; then we end up having a disagreement later when the trauma victim no longer wants to ‘serve’ in that sexual role they thought they were being a good partner in the intimacy pact between each other. The unaware partner will feel like they were doing so well but did they ever have the conversation to update any changes in their sexual desire or pleasure anymore and what is it they need to explore and change in themselves to please each other and start new again. 

Again, the older we get, the frequency does change and it is normal. Don’t keep a measurement of yourself at your other age and stages in life and have gratitude and be playful. Don’t keep to your old expectations of your body at another stage in life…that is so passe’ and keep to the present. Try moving your body to music and nature and experience the world in a more simple and joyful way. This will keep your mind in the present. It may be hard for those sticking to an age that feels like the way…as you age you find out with your mind and body; that doesn’t work in reality. Keep the reality check on not the quantity or duration but more on the act of unification in the fire of each other when present and celebrate how far you have come and continue to be going. 

Relationships, especially a long standing one, aren't for sissies as I said. It takes reconnecting to ourselves and each other to make the changes and adjustments we need to have a happy and healthy relationship.

I am not condoning one out of the relationship to cheat or do things with other people to make the sexual life exciting without the discussion between their present partner if they are comfortable and find a happy medium. Some folks have a different view of a loyal relationship: living with each other at the end of the day and home together and the other person is just a non serious and only sexual or separate part of the intimacy by getting our needs met. This may work in time but over time; we find that we may end a partnership and the other partner is the possible permanent partner and it switches. It can be unpleasant if we discover that we find the present partner doesn’t fulfill our needs and the other does. But before we disconnect; ask yourself as it is only sexual needs; does this equate a quality relationship later and explore what ifs of other parts of the relationship needs met in the present one. Is it worth the change or break up? You have to be honest with yourself. Asking if you wanted a permanent relationship with this person and can the other person be the same dedication or is this a fantasy. Did we start off on the lust category and then fantasize into the permanency in the lust category? Are we in love with this person or are we in love with the fantasy we created in our minds that it will be like this without careful thought and discussion between each other. Then you can determine if your sexual and intimate life is worth the change or not? Ask if this feels temporary, fantasy or permanent with a long term outcome where you both are happy? Do you need an extra partner at all? There’s a lot of exploration in these times. The Swingers, the Swappers, the Polyamorous, etc. All too often we see aging people giving up on that and finding themselves bickering and resenting each other. We see them separating for different trips and one is having one night stands secretly and living as if happily married. 

At times; they turn to the place of worship and ask a holy man vowed to celibacy for advise or get more religious and focus and ignore the problem and turn to God and volunteer or memorize holy books thinking that memorizing without thought and discussion does this apply to these days and times at all anymore…What do I think about this? When they can’t answer or get shocked about these questions and avoid exploring the box or lines they drew around them to ignore the issues; then you do have a problem and you can only remove the box and lines to explore. Be brave to understand the sacred ancient texts were written by other authors long dead and for the time and period that serviced long ago and not the present. Where are the new spiritual readings as we are always moving forward with the times of the sacredness expands in the light and keeps moving forward. We have ignored this growth and keep quoting what we clearly do not understand fits into the evolution now. Think about this and have gratitude for the old and embrace the new. 

Also our intimate lives are private and not up for discussion to the public so don’t make the mistake of publicly talking about it with the people who don’t even agree or live in that world. You will be judged and don’t put yourself all out there with anyone just like choosing a partner and growing in terms of fantasy and keeping that in mind or one on one. It’s your choice and keep in mind respect, consent, age and laws, customs,culture, spirituality, gender roles and make a clear and thorough decision so that everyone is on the same page and happily intimate and exploring in this relationship.

So have a very intimate time with you, yourself and I and with that partner that chooses you and you have chosen too. Enjoy the fire within and between each other onwards. Much fiery, joyful and loving intimacy wishes your way in this month of Passion, sexiness and love.