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Doppelganger - Me or You?

When I was 13 years old. It was an awkward stage being a teenager and the uncertainty and changes in our bodies, minds and adjusting to a new school and friends was a challenge for me. With the healing gifts undeveloped and hidden was also an added hidden secret. As a teenager, you wish to be heard and sometimes you feel like you need to feel like something. You are constantly checking yourself if you are acceptable to others, how you look to others, what’s the latest trend, how it is to be cool or not. I learned to hang my head and keep humble. It was a difficult time of denial of my own identity and any beauty. It was a time of turmoil from the abuse I had written about. My parents were always working and struggling to pay the bills, to feed us and to not be present in our lives at open houses. This was a time when much of the focus was trying to get the rent paid.

It was a weird experience, people were coming up to me calling me “Marty” and smiling. I then looked up and then told them: “I am not Marty.” This continued several times and then they realized that I was not Marty. Soon my doppelganger or hers would meet up. Marty came up to me as she said, "I kept hearing I had a twin with a bright smile. And here you are." If you meet your doppelganger, are there good consequences or is there an end to something in our lives? I would wonder because I didn’t know what a doppelganger was nor the word until my study of Shamanism. A doppelganger is your twin in the world or other universe that usually is not blood related.

Finally, Marty met me and she was a bright and smiling young lady. I felt her light and it reminded me what I could be if I had not traumatized parents and ancestors or of the abuse. She was a positive possibility for me. It was also a good thing to see Marty had a boyfriend.

He rode a motorcycle and they seemed like a happy team. She was happy. I thought to myself; this was my possibility of a normal and happy teenage persona of me but she was real in the flesh.

How I wanted to share my trials and struggles as I had no outlet. My counselors were men and not trusted by me to resolve anything in my life. I would smile and then it came to graduation from high school. Marty decided she and Tommy (her boyfriend) would graduate and live together and had a house already to stay. It was magical. She had someone and a plan to be away from her family. I wondered if we could ever talk about our lives but Tommy was always there. I would call Marty but it became apparent that I called too many times…either my parents walked in when I wanted to share my trials or Tommy would be there. So I gave up and left them alone.

I was looking for a dorm to stay in but it was too late since tuition for me to stay with my parents was only $100 because my Mom worked for the University of Arizona. I had to pay for my food, clothing, gas and car insurance and buy my supplies and books for school. I tried living in a house near the University but the room was the living room with a sofa bed. I moved in to the disapproval of my parents. I had to call my childhood friend and her brothers to help me move as my Dad decided he would not help me that day I was to move. They readily helped me. They did not know about the abuse. They came and moved me. The house was on a main street where you could hear partying students walking back and forth in the night and traffic. I soon decided to move to my future Mother-in-law’s house but soon it was canceled because the older relatives of my husband didn’t want me living in the same house as their Uncle and Older brother.

Luckily, there were a couple of dorms left and I roomed with a Native American gal studying to be a nurse. She never was there come Friday and weekends and she never was there to share chores. I tried to talk to her and she was very soft spoken. I then had experiences with partying girls in rooms next door. I saw males visiting other girls to have sex and I just made sure when I heard something; I stayed away. If it was Friday and weekend. I chose to do my errands during the day to hunker down for the weekend listening to the crazies. I was not a party type person. Didn’t drink or take drugs or care for dating.

My husband was to leave later that year to study Fashion Design and finish his Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration. Something happened and I still thought of Marty but never would call. It was a happy life for her and why should I share the dark side of mine that was the duality of life for her. Why spoil it. My husband and I married and then I moved from the dormitory and left and stored my personal items with my parents and took a plane to California. It was a new beginning but a better one than what I had.

I guess I can tell that the possibility of a doppelganger and any myth unfortunate things happen when you meet face to face is not something that happened to me or Marty. I just wish her well as I heard she was pregnant and expecting the last phone call. We hopefully are both thriving.

May we both be blessed with the happiness like anyone wishes throughout their lives.

This is my experience as a doppelganger. I hope you enjoyed it. Not too exciting but something I needed to share with the possibilities of existence. It may have been a theory that our lives were parallel or opposites to hold each other up into existence. Who knows but I had to share.


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