Fourth Grade Challenge with an Alcoholic Teacher

I was in Tucson, Arizona and my first year was 4th grade with Ms. Brown. She was a nice teacher and looked like she was nearing her retirement age. I was happy but became shy learning the ways of this neighborhood that if you were friendly; you were suspect. So I became more reclusive and quiet to avoid drama and violence.

I remember my first year in Tucson and my birthday was coming and my Mom only wanted a few friends over. She would bake the usual cake. Anyway, I went with invitations to my school and gave some birthday invitations. A girl asked where her invitation was. I said I don’t have that many and my Mom said only a few. She said, “Ask your Mom.” So I went home that day and asked my Mother. She said, “No.” We were on a budget and I went to school. The girl asked where her invitation was and I think she was a bully. She then didn’t like my reasons and took it personally and told everyone that got an invitation not to go to my party. I couldn’t change anything and let it go.

When my birthday came, no one came. I was there and my Dad’s Mother came. I was not in the mood. She asked my mother where the kids were. She said, “No one showed up.” My Grandmother took antique dolls and refurbished and created designs for them. She made me a ceramic doll with cotton body and dress. That was my only gift. I was hurt but learned a great lesson. Don’t engage with anyone on a personal level in this neighborhood. My brother’s brought his friends over to celebrate and sung “Happy Birthday!” I will never forget that introduction to this community. I never looked forward to my birthday again and wished it away to avoid the memory. I still have that doll though my Grandmother made. The angry bully girl saw me after the weekend of my party at school and asked me if anyone went to my party. I said, “No.” She was happy and said, “That’s good.” I then said to myself what an angry bunch of people doing what they were told and unable to think for themselves. I was only there a few months to start this school year and never ever asked to plan a birthday again. I didn’t like the angry vibes. I knew it came from home but I wasn’t the blame for her life.

My Grandmother had me come over to clean her fridge, stove, bathroom, dust and vacuum main areas and sweep the porch off and clean the kitchen. She took me to appointments for my eczema as a child. She sewed me a school dress for picture day and knitted/crocheted sweaters for me for the holidays. She bought me socks and hair products for picture day as well. I would have conversations with her and always wondered where my cousins and rest of family never visited or why she never visited them. I never asked her why…that was a tragic story maybe I will share later when my father passes.

The school year started again. I was in 5th Grade and my teacher was Mrs. Laney. She was a Norwegian older woman who always wore plain dresses and had glasses with hair always in a bun talking about her childhood life in Norway and blood sausages and airing your clothes out in fresh air. She carried a thermos with her from time to time and said it was her tea. She sipped it. Somedays, I was acing courses and had a friend and childhood classmate and she aced things as well. She then proceeded to change class seating as she often did with us. She would place my childhood friend next to me. On some days; she decided to take my ‘A’ work and compare it to my friend’s who got an ‘A.’ She would find a small discrepancy and mark it in front of the class as ‘A-’...I was baffled and she continued to do it off and on. My classmates who made trouble finally tired of her ridicule of me a quiet student and finally I was crying. No one to comfort me. I didn’t tell my Mom or Dad. My Mom never believed us against the teacher and it was of no use and we’d get punished. So to avoid punishment; I didn’t say a word. Then my classmate stood up and told her off and she told Mrs. Laney “You leave her alone.” Mrs. Laney said, “Don’t question me or I will send you to the principal for a paddling.” She said, “I don’t care if you do; go ahead and I will talk about that tea your sipping.” She sent her and she got paddled and she said, “It was worth it.”

I had a young boy next to me whose family ran the gas station that neighborhood went to. He then sat behind me. It was Mrs. Laney’s pick on Donna day again. I was just so tired of it. He stood up: “You leave her alone. She doesn’t deserve that.” Mrs. Laney said, “I will send you to the principal for paddling.” He too said, “I don’t care.”

In time; I moved to 6th Grade where Mr. Basurto encouraged my creative writing and then middle school came. It was a close call and my mother’s parents moved to Arizona. They were both cooks and we never had enough food in the house and my classmate's family moved away. I would walk the 6 blocks to see them and have something to eat. It was nice to do that but there were gangs and people trying to kidnap young girls. One day I was walking to my grandparents home. A white man looked like Jeffrey Dahmer was driving by and asked me the name of someone to find. I knew the common last name and was suspicious. So I asked him to speak louder from his car as he beckoned me to come to his car. I knew better. He was a white man I’d never seen before and in the wrong place. I then was told to walk faster and I did and then an angel told me to move over one step over a step and I did. He had shot a metal object that was sharp that the metal on the telephone pole ricocheted off and it was a needle! I then ran across the street to a house acting like I knew someone there. It was a couple of men who lived there but they were not outside that day. They usually sat on the porch and I didn’t engage with them. I was there but the door opened with a screen door. The screen door was locked; my adrenaline was going and the men were inside. Told me to come in but they felt like bad news and luckily their screen door was locked. I said, “Your screen door is locked; and I then ran away yelling thanks. I ran until the park where druggies where and looking out for cars ducked as a low rider started to follow me and maneuvered around ditches and the street to get close to my grandparents’ street that was a few blocks from our church. I then ran until I was safe at their home. I told them what happened and they didn’t really make much of it. Then my mother came over and ate and then we both went home. I didn’t tell my parents at all. I was already restricted in having friends and being with certain people. My mother never let me camp or sleepover or play if boys were in the house most of the time. I would be restricted just to be home if I told her.

As time went on and I excelled in school; I received a scholarship to high school from the Womens’ Cooperative Business Association because I was a good student. They helped pay for some school books and supplies. I was put in the paper and one day my Mother said my teacher was coming to see me about the award article. I didn’t remember her. The day came and it was Mrs. Laney. She had been retired and said she was sick from liver damage. She proceeded to tell me and my mother about her poor behavior towards me and how mean she was and that she was in AA and part of the program was to make peace with those she had harmed. My mother looked at her and I and had no idea…remember when a teacher said something you did wrong as I watched my brothers; she never questioned and sided with the teacher instead. This retired ex-alcoholic said, “I shouldn’t have done that to you and I am so proud of you getting this award.” I said, “Thank you.” Without a thought of my feelings; my mother said, “It’s alright first.” I let that go and then she said she was terminal. I told her I am sorry about your health problems and thank you for visiting me.”  I let her go in peace.

That was the last time I saw Mrs. Laney. Well, that’s a great lesson that if you can’t make peace with yourself; you can’t make peace with others ... .but there’s always opportunity that you create.