How a Strong Woman is Tested when a Patriarchal System Retaliates
How a Strong Woman is Tested when a Patriarchal System Retaliates
So many people have asked me how to achieve their own Sacred Self by being in their own Power. What is power? It is the ability to not dominate, destroy, belittle or overpower another and be comfortable being exactly who they are in their strengths and weaknesses. First you must not struggle within yourself between your strengths and weaknesses like the masculine and feminine within you. Our mind and ego plays tricks on us to tell us something is bad or good about ourselves by taking notes and memories as comparisons to acceptance or good outcomes. We start to believe that pleasing others, our teachers, our friends, our elders brainwashed & adhered by the patriarchal systems will make us good people ignoring our power to see who we are in all our imperfections. As I have told others: the unification comes from inside yourself. Your need to ask questions is diminished when you believe an institution can measure who you are by their standards. It is nice to set standards but not everyone fits into this standard.
I had been taught by the war suffering women who survived in the family that being a meek, nice girl is the way to go. Play it safe, let the man decide yet play mind games with your man or partner to make him think he has power. This is a sad game. Why can’t we be honest and allow our opinions, resolutions and suggestions to be part of the possibility of harmonic conversations. That we need to stop putting men on a pedestal to pressure them to lose parts of themselves they deem as bad...the feminine. The feminine bore them and the feminine taught and raised them. Why do we reject that part of ourselves when we talk of balance?
People are evolving and it has been revealed the Mother Moon and Father Sun are like the Feminine and the Masculine. It is because Spirit and the Universe understands that we have to learn in steps or parts until it is automatic and the theory and details are added to understand completely and then learned automatically. But we fail to see that both are present inside of us and so too are the present in both Moon and Sun. We cannot coexist without each other to procreate.
Does it make sense to divide inside ourselves and label one bad and good and one weak and strong yet push aside the commonality we have? A Spirit, a mind and emotions. We have taught our men by creating war in conflict, pain, destruction and overpowering that we are good to ignore the other parts of our emotions? When you are on the receiving end of the violence and domination; how do you feel? We must learn to dialogue and live in harmony. We need to start with the war inside of us called the feminine and the masculine. They are both valuable and need not to destroy or conquer the other to feel powerful. This is false power. It is the reason the planet we live in we call fondly Mother Earth is not respected because the feminine references subtly by assuming the earth will take care of herself. She cannot heal if ignored and not given the assistance to self heal and regenerate naturally. We keep doing the unnatural thoughts of the assumption one can take care of it all while we work out strategies of the future. The future can be better recognizing no one is an island and no one can fix our healing of the earth and ourselves alone. We must recognize the value of the feminine.
How many strong women have been violated or set as an example of being a bad woman? As I grew up; I had war and military driven macho men as male examples. This comes from the military and assumed roles that feelings/emotions are not significant parts of us to recognize and experience and honor them. We teach our men not to honor them because they must be machines, breadwinners, false male models that lead to pressuring them to hide their feelings and not remedy these. Over time, when there is a woman who is strong in this environment; the restrictions start to happen. The control for what’s good for her like she is an object or piece of property. She is not allowed to have opinions, she is to make babies and do as told...be mindless and then you find the man looks at her as perfect. Like a doll or trophy. The only thing that is unreasonably thought of is a woman be pretty, good homemaker, good mother and wife by just taking care of him and be absent the rest of their own life with their man.
I have been abused as a woman. I remember many times at the workplace because my energy is positive and friendly ...that for a woman is not good but an invitation. Invitation for them to violate me. I had quit a few jobs. I would work for firms where they bragged that I would be a nice conquest or told by my superiors that he was a lucky guy in an inappropriate way. At times, I was talked to like I have no brains or like a little girl. At times, a strong woman gets told you are there for their pleasure and eye candy. Other times I didn’t go to doctor’s anymore because a comment was made. It doesn’t matter what age I was or the age of the man. My own obstetrician that was highly recommended was to deliver my first born and was halfway through my pregnancy told me not to laugh because it sounded like we were doing something! Later, his wife divorced him as he was caught having an affair with his patient! He was taught a beautiful woman is a pleasure object. It didn’t matter what you thought. After one incident of escape from a man who tried to force himself on me; it was a day that I had to ‘play’ the game of manipulation that men had done to me. Using manipulative words like he used to praise me and compliment me to get me to trust him but I felt something. It was when I was 20 and trying to find a new place to live and I narrowly escaped and boarded a plane that I was to meet my husband who was trying to seek a new place to move to. As if it weren’t enough; two white older men were drinking and I was assigned a seat in the same 3 seat and felt their lust as I tried to stay positive and normal taking my seat. They asked me where I was going and I said I was going to NY. They jibed their elbows together leering at me. Mind you I just escaped a narrow rape attempt. I told them I was married and they laughed because it was only a few months old. They then took their photos of their escorts or prostitutes out wearing negligees and see through lingerie and were posed and told me “These are our wives.” I just felt like I would be going crazy soon. Why was a seated by these two lechers? What is God trying to teach me? Some other bosses would say: “Let’s have lunch or dinner and talk about this afterwards.” That wouldn’t happen. Other times, some would want to go on company trips with me. Invite me and I would say: “Sure if my husband can come along.”
I am a woman; a minority woman from Asian & Native American descent. I would be hesitant to tell people my Native American part. The Asian was prominent. Some men would have these stereotypes of Asian women surviving from war times that sold themselves or attached to soldiers so they could be protected or taken care of or made his wife. Another devaluing of the feminine starting with the women believing that is the only way and then passed on in life with mother’s telling their daughters to find a good man who can provide and protect you. In the end all was ignored about the whole man because the woman was not made whole in the first place and the criteria that guided them was not a good source of self value but survival or poverty. Mind you the women in our family were not prostitutes. Women who fell for the patriarchal systems in places of worship and work would get jealous of me and the stereotype assumption was that I slept my way to work there or move up. I was growing so tired of the inbox system. I felt suffocated even women who believed that junk were testing me and hated on me. Not alone was I beautiful to them and more revered because of beauty instead of what I did. I was a diligent worker but sometimes they would jimmy the computer on some task assignments and I made copies and then I would have to back up my work to hear the data submitted was lost or corrupted or not turned in ontime. I had to tell my bosses and others that I turned it in and make a copy. That was one.
Working for a foreign man as well in a sanctuary became difficult. He was from Pakistan. He had strong patriarchal energy all around him. He wanted a soft and controllable woman. I wasn’t loud but I was willing to share different ways to improve systems to others. He had me silenced alot as his face turned red from the sheer thought a woman share thoughts of improving the office and the gal I was training was chosen as his assistant. He felt comfortable with a woman willing to forget she had a brain and be soft and assuring and stroking his ego that he was a man. This tells me more of a man who is this way is suffering from trauma or lack of acceptance from his father or mother or both or abused. It also tells of the relationship of his marriage with false stereotypes and assumptions that are regularly regulated that he has the power and his male power is not to feel dominated by his wife. The woman is his threat yet he marries or chooses her and she let’s herself be with him by believing this is a good system and it works for a temporary moment. Then it leads sometimes, to too much pressure to be honest and affairs or lack of intimacy between them and rejection and resentment that is never resolved. A silent killer of mutual harmonic relationship is doomed unless both see the cycle is unhealthy. He has to create a fight with a woman who resembles that power he interprets in his brain as overpowering instead of listen without judgment and reply. This man feels threatened by the past he places in his mind into the woman and takes his energy that is misplaced and uses dismissive and dishonorable tones and motions. Mind you I left because I wasn’t going to assist someone new in charge who needed their ego stroked because they were in pain and needed to establish false power.
You know when you are a strong woman when many people of all ages and cultures let their guard down in private. Why not in the open? Because the patriarchal system doesn’t allow the freedom of a man and woman to be mutually human. A strong woman will be told that’s not your place to be in charge. A strong woman will be told take care of my emotions in private but don’t tell anyone I go to you for healings. A strong woman will be told you are a threat to my masculinity. Women who are strong have to be comfortable with this unfortunately but tell themselves that this patriarchal system, ancestral programming and that karma needs to be seen in order to be awakened and address the vicious cycle that women are owned, not heard, used to make pleasure and do nothing out of the ordinary. It is as if society says you can be strong but you are a failure if you cannot cook as my grandmother told me, launder, bear or raise children, look beautiful and not ever grow old. Stand behind your man. What does that mean? Yes, you can be supportive of your man but you can stand right beside him.
Men who feel that women should be sexualized don’t know they reveal their weakness and their own stereotypes, inability to be whole, express themselves honestly and be comfortable being vulnerable and communicate thoroughly. If a man understands that both agree to the inequality of valuing each other and have become primal; then I say wake up.
If a man always talks sexually can reveal the potential of intimacy is less than immediate pleasure and make derogatory jokes about women's body parts...breasts yet they sukkold their own mother’s breasts or felt abandoned and unloved by his mother. Then making rude or vulgar comments about a woman's vagina when it was the first place they came out of is ridiculous. I have heard men jibe each other on. They tell each other well I think I take this one. Are you shopping? Then they jibe each other that I did it with that one and have conversations of a made up conquest or a dishonest conquest done with deceit and lies to fool the woman into thinking: “Thank God a decent man.” Whoops! Don’t fall for compliments and gentility. Make sure he can do this for the long term because fake sincerity is the devil’s friend.
One day; my husband and I were traveling and I saw a couple with another man. The single man accompanied the couple to find some fun and romance. He was looking at me from time to time. I didn’t engage with him. It was the final day of our vacation in Jamaica. My husband wanted a nice picture of me over a bridge that had tropical plants and water running. He took it and then asked the single man and the couple who were walking by to take one of us both. The single man took the picture and then asked my husband to take a photo afterwards but could I be in it? I then felt the gossip coming out of his mouth. I then took the picture with him. I told him immediately: “Boy the stories you will tell your friends of me and you and our adventures together.” The couple laughed in amusement and I knew this man would do with the picture because he didn’t score with anyone and so this was the proof to his buddies he did.
I have had my husband’s family & friends try to hit on me. Other times, our workers tried to. Always looking at me physically and making comments as my husband would say. It is hard to have a beautiful wife. I get tired of the men and women who have hit on me as well. Well, the men and women in our society need conversation about how to see each other as human and not objects or conquests and what the value is of being feminine and masculine and embracing it within ourselves by allowing emotions and thoughts shared and remedied in a world we recreate in harmony with each other.
My husband has heard it all and so have I. Why should a friendly woman be immediately thought of or a caring woman who loves to share and laugh with you like you are a human mutual being be put into a place where she is nothing but a one night stand or affair or conquest and then manipulated into believing a man cares for her by him telling her lies to get her into bed? Why can’t a man be honest? Hey I only want you for fun and are you all right with this? This is not acceptable in the work place or office setting and I am referring to incidences where public gatherings are. I have heard this from all ages, and even at the gym or working in the corporate world. The corporate world needs to realize that the patriarchal system and advances towards a woman to toy with her focus on achievement needs to be exchanged for sexual favors and vice versa is wrong. It is something we must realize that to take advantage, and destroy another by lies, conquests and gossip is the darkside and doesn’t uplift anyone but their temporary erections.
When I was exposed to too much macho and deprivation of my voice and contributions; I prayed for a man who was not macho, not into the patriarchal system. I got one but we all have flaws and we talk to iron them out. We want real expectations with real balanced feminine and masculine acceptance of ourselves and then we can do the same with each other. Our Earth, our Sun and our Moon have been waiting for us humans to evolve and accept that the patriarchal systems and old ancient marriage vows need updating into harmonic mutual and loving honest relationships. The old ones warrant ownership, one sided roles that cannot help each other grow and are unforgiving and not open to mutual respect and honor. We have the issues with domestic violence, deaths and abuse because we designed a system from an old patriarchal or war type system that doesn’t answer the wholeness of being. We must rewrite these types of promises for embracing all the variants of feminine and masculine existence on this planet. When we do this; we evolve. Our children are in a better place for any potential of being and existence in the variance of Feminine and Masculine Divine.
This is just my experience and thoughts to share. I hope it helps create more understanding of Sacred Self and Self Love. We need this to heal and to heal our planet. Picture by Tingey Injury Law Firm.